Being Neurodivergent in corporate America
We’ve come so far, but not far enough…
I have ADHD, as do an estimated 6% of adults in the U.S., and I have left behind my need to prove anything to anyone except myself. But when I worked in corporate tech, I always had something to prove.
What’s it like being neurodivergent in corporate America?
It’s leaving a meeting thinking you’re in agreement with your coworkers about next steps, only to learn that you misunderstood the assignment AFTER you completed your portion of the work.
It’s feeling the rising pride of accomplishment, looking outward for approval, only to be crushed with criticism, your achievements twisted into blemishes.
It’s those misunderstandings happening often enough that others think you deliberately go against what they wanted. They say, “you just do whatever you want”… but what you MOST want is just for them to tell you, “Good job.”
It’s feeling deep empathy for your coworker well up as they share a moving anecdote from their childhood in a “team building” meeting, only to learn later that this was a calculated, tactical manipulation of the audience to gain their trust.
It’s knowing your peers can’t see the real you — the one who wants to do well at their job and then go home to live life and REST. They only see your mask, the one that’s safe to bring to work, the side of you that constantly seeks knowledge, is eager to please, and can get shit done on a pretty tight timeline.
It’s knowing you have a deep well of strengths that will never be called on here; being told to pipe down; watching those around you whose strengths are perfectly matched to the corporate humdrum ascend, while you continue plodding down a path of mediocrity.
All these experiences lead to feelings of dread and anxiety about work. We feel inadequate, unseen, under-appreciated, demoralized. These feelings cause us tremendous amounts of stress. And stress, over time, leads to illness.
Why you should ask for accommodations
Being neurodivergent in corporate America is so fucking confusing. If you’re currently doing it, I salute you, and wish you ease on your journey. I know it can be harmful to your psyche, and to survive, you need to make time for other uplifting, soul-nourishing things you do for yourself on a very regular basis.
But I’m here to say it - you don’t have to work yourself to death. You don’t have to prove yourself to anyone else. It is okay to need accommodations, to need downtime, to not be “the one everyone counts on.” In fact, it’s more than okay — it’s critical. If you have a neurospicy brain, don’t wait until your body is so sick that it can’t recover. Take paid leave and rest, then figure out your path to a more sustainable career.
Neurodivergent folks are SO focused on doing the just and right thing. We are so committed to not lying, not misrepresenting ourselves or our work, that we fear taking leave because we worry that that would be taking advantage of the system. That’s not true — in fact the truth is the opposite: the system is gaming us. The system is using us — our dedication to doing the right thing, our commitment to honesty, our inability to live out of integrity with ourselves -- to gain what it wants. And in the process, it is literally using up our health, our bodies.
Recognizing your needs
We need to recognize that neurodivergent people may need more, or different types of rest or care than neurotypical folks.
When we are losing sleep over work, when our bodies feel symptoms of stress like headaches, digestive issues, muscle tension, jaw or hand clenching, when we have emotions like dread and distress about returning in the morning, these are indicators that our jobs are literally making us sick.
Rather than hem and haw over whether it’s ethically okay to take time off from work for a non-tangible, purely internal feeling, we need to reach out to the health professionals in our lives who are literally dedicated to doing this work for us.
Here are the things you absolutely need to do right now if you’re neurodivergent in corporate America, and aren’t already:
Go get a therapist
Look into what type of mental health coverage your job has, and use it. This is the most tired advice, I know. But I also know a LOT of people who would benefit from therapy, and aren’t in it. If you are neurodivergent AND working in corporate America, the very least you can do to support yourself is be in therapy.
Find a physically intense thing
Make it one that you enjoy and can do for fun regularly. I don’t mean taking walks. Do something that challenges you physically, in a way you enjoy, at least once per week. Swimming, biking, climbing, playing a sport, dancing, certain types of yoga, weight-lifting, trail running; it doesn’t even have to be something people would think of as exercise, necessarily. Intensive gardening, playing music with a group, large at-home DIY projects, or taking care of animals can all be physically challenging and offer physiological benefits if you do them regularly.
Assess whether your professional situation is sustainable
How manageable is your workload? Do you want to do the job you have? If there is a significant mismatch between either your desire to remain in your current job, or your ability to manage your current workload, you might be burned out and need to take time off for your mental health.
If you are burned out, TAKE LEAVE! No one in your company needs you the way YOU need you. If your entire workload dropped to the floor because you suddenly became incapacitated, your company would figure out a way through it. DON’T let it get so bad it becomes an emergency. Don’t let it get so bad that burnout prevents you from doing your job well; then you’re waltzing into performance management territory, and that is a tricky place to be if you want to stay with your employer.
